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Tuesday, April 13th, 2004
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12:42 pm - Two posts in one!
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( Read more... )( Read more... )Holy crap. You know, I didn't know lasers could penetrate through six-inch steel, but then, I don't really know a lot of things. Damn. Hopefully the message was sent in time- they kind of destroyed the computer. At least no one can know what else was on that thing. I swear, I'm going to be more careful next time. Crap, I think I saw something. Public terminals are never safe anyway.
--FlittingShadow--( Read more... )
current mood:  confused
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(2 comments | comment on this)
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| Saturday, December 6th, 2003
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8:47 pm - No Pleadin' the Fifth Here
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I think that I'd make the greatest traffic cop ever. None of those usual tricks.
Very Beautiful Woman: "Oh officer, I'm so sorry, can I ever make it up? *wink wink*
Me: "Sorry ma'am, I've been castrated."
VBM: "...dammit."
Person: "I just got my license yesterday! I'm so sorry, it's just I haven't had enough experience and it'll never happen again and-"
Me: "Maybe you should've spent more time in <dramatic>traffic school.</dramatic>
Person: "...dammit."
Mom/Dad/Sibling/Friend/Relative: "Look, sorry I did that illegal left turn. But come on. We're (like) family!."
Me: "Screw you."
M/D/S/F/R: "...dammit."
Oh yeah. Watch out streets, I'm-a-comin'.
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(3 comments | comment on this)
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6:23 pm - ¡IMPORTANT!
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PUBLIC NOTICE
THIS SATURDAY DECEMBER SIXTH
A PUBLIC HANGING
SEE THE HANGNAIL'S NOOSE "MR. TWEEZERS" LYNCH THE DIRTY HANGNAIL
ALL ARE INVITED
AT THE FIRST STORY BATHROOM, 7 O'CLOCK
current mood:  grumpy
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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| Friday, December 5th, 2003
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9:34 pm - Oedipus Rex
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Oedipus: Thebes is messed up. Perhaps Teiresias can tell me why!
Teiresias: You killed your father and had sex with your mom.
Oedipus: STFU!!!!!11
(Oedipus proceeds to find out he killed his father and had sex with his mom)
Oedipus: DAMN IT!
(Oedipus stabs his eyes out)
Fin
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(comment on this)
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| Saturday, October 18th, 2003
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5:59 pm - Have a **** day.
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| Saturday, September 6th, 2003
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7:15 pm - Depression 101
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Where are the saviours, the champions
That, in our time of need, will rise to power
And guide us towards a new light,
One of hope and prosperity?
They have disappeared, my friend
Gone to save themselves, not us
To leave us to perish and succumb
As we ask why until our death.
Discussion Questions:
1) What does this poem say about our miserable life?
2) Does this help describe why life is miserable? Explain.
Project:
Write your own depressing poem about how life sucks. Share with your friends, as if you had any.
Extra Credit:
Kill yourself.
current mood: bitchy
current music: Don't Bring Me Down
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(comment on this)
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| Saturday, August 30th, 2003
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8:23 pm - Public Apology
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Many of you have been writing angry, nay, extremely angry letters in my general direction. Here's a sample.
Dear you:
Idiot.
(name withheld)
Many other letters request I buy objects that will increase my genitals or will get me a free credit card. They aren't really angry, but still. From the above letter, I can only assume they were talking about that entry on July 17th that had 08.15.03 at the end. However! August 15th, 2003 has passed, sure, but not March 15th, 2008. In conclusion, I'm sorry you're all so stupid. Good day.
current mood: cynical
current music: Cars
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(comment on this)
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| Tuesday, August 12th, 2003
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8:07 pm - Recursive Haiku
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current mood:  quixotic
current music: Dun dun dun DA DA DUN
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(comment on this)
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| Saturday, July 19th, 2003
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5:57 pm - Shifting the weight from foot to another
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I really don't like idiots. At all. There's so many of them, though! I swear, someday they're going to take over. They're dumbing down things as it is, with companies spitting out half-assed, low quality products (look at music, movies, TV) and people are buying/watching it! The people who are intelligent hate this, but the only way to stop it is to stop people from buying it. Show them how incredibly idiotic these wastes of money are. However, it may be too late...
(ominous music)
current mood: irritated
current music: Muzak
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(comment on this)
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| Friday, July 18th, 2003
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9:51 pm
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| Thursday, July 17th, 2003
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1:34 pm - The Life of Brian(na)
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I walk.
"Your money!"
No.
"BANG!"
You say bang, not do bang.
"Schwa?"
I eat your gun.
"How?"
Now I have two.
"Aie!"
Bang. Bang.
"Deaaaddddblech"
I win.
current mood:  nostalgic
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(comment on this)
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1:03 pm - Ecky ecky ecky ecky pikang zoom boing mumble mumble
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No one knows your name
People think you're insane
But I know all about you
Your name cannot hide
I know your parents died
I know everything you do
So why resist
When I persist
Your son, your wife
I know your life
To
be
or not
to be
that
is
the quest
ion...
08.15.03
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(comment on this)
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| Wednesday, July 16th, 2003
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4:17 pm - Not really real
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This was posted the day after two days after the day before three days before two days after two days before three days after the day before four days after three days before the day after two days before three days after two days before the day before the day after two days before two days after this says it was posted.
current mood: recumbent
current music: Happy Land
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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| Tuesday, July 15th, 2003
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6:27 pm - QUIZ
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4:16 pm
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NOTE: The following entry was first posted several seconds ago, and then I realized I should LJ-cut it. So I did.
Blah. This is like a big white canvas. ( Canvases and Art ) Let's see how much I can fill up. I often wonder about the state of this world, with its complex stuff and other things. I also wonder, how can I make a small business succeed in this economy? Well, the first step is create an excellent name. For instance, Baseline Emulation. That just screams AWESOME. I mean, you don't even need a successful business with something like that. You just need... the name. However, if you actually want an actual plan of business... ness, you must follow these tried and true steps: ( Those steps ) Yeah. So then there was the time I jumped off a building. At the time it seemed fun! Enjoyable! and such. But, it hurt. Like, a lot. I don't really know WHY I did that. It was stupid, in retrospect. The word onion is silly! ( Proof ) Okay, I don't really know why I did that. I did it, though. Oh! I almost forgot about the dog incident. ( Here, doggie! ) So there you have it. Now, once you are bringing in the dough, you must annex other countries. Suggested countries: (be quick, before others take 'em!) ( Random countries, half of which do not exist ) After doing this, you should be popular. Now, being popular is something that's hard. During my high school years (which are still going on, blah) my social level was about average. This was a major improvement over Pond Scum on Bottom of Shoe. However, keeping at this level was very hard, and it still is. I must constantly fling money in the general direction of popular people, and hinder myself from doing stupid things, e.g. running around without a shirt, screaming "LORD ALMIGHTY!" ( Boring anecdote, don't read ) So, in my room in the basement, I toiled with the triangle for man( Oops, anecdote wasn't over yet. ) In the end, everyone hated it. This just goes to show you most people are idiots. Going back to the business model, if you haven't already make over 3.5 billion dollars, you never will. Sorry. To conclude, cogito ergo sum.
current mood: quixotic
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(comment on this)
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| Monday, July 14th, 2003
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1:35 pm - Wacky movie ratings
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I don't get PG & PG-13. PG-13 means parental guidance for those under 13; PG should mean parental guidance for all. Which means PG-13 should be a better rating than PG.
BETTER ORDER: G PG-13 PG R
Of course, we already knew the MPAA is WEIRD.
current mood: confused
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(comment on this)
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| Saturday, July 12th, 2003
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9:48 pm
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Four out of every five people agree: "Ich bin ein Auto!"
In related news, Volkswagen cars all over the world imploded.
current mood:  tired
current music: Ooohawwwwoahaw
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(comment on this)
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9:19 pm
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This is my new journal. Is it not nifty? It had better be nifty. Because nifty is a cool word. Nifty > you. HA HA HA!
current mood: gloomy
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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